Not Again....Not in Colorado...Enough is Enough!

 

After the horrific news of the mass shooting in Boulder Colorado two days ago, I was sad, numb and angry again like so many of us. Why is this happening again and again? Not now, since we are still in shock form the shootings in Atlanta....enough is enough.  And here we go again...

One of the reasons why we moved to Germany is because we were tired of gun violence in the US.  This was not the only reason of course.  We were looking at moving to Europe for several years and wanted to try it earlier, actually.  But the timing was not perfect when we decided to move, since the kids were in high school and it was a really tough move.  It was expensive and stressful and just a lot of work.  But Marc had a job offer and we took the chance.  We were 50 and not getting younger.  We were getting worried about the expensive healthcare and the rising college tuition too.  Socially and politically the US was not healthy. Marc also has family in northern Germany and so this was a good choice. So, we made the tough decision to just try it and go! 

Well, 2021 came and I was feeling hopeful after the we watched the election and inauguration from Germany! I was celebrating with our Germany chapter of Democrats Abroad and sending well wishes to my American friends!   I was terribly homesick again in the winter and just glued to the news and so happy that everything will be much better in the US. I was getting really excited about the new social and political changes under the Biden administration too.  Also, I hoped that in a year or two after kids graduate, we would move back....I would remind Marc that Germany is not my home and definitely not my happy place! 

However, every time I hear about another US mass shooting and more gun violence news, I cringe and think that we made the right decision to move here, for now.  I had to be honest with myself...After each mass shooting happened in the US, I would go and join a rally or meeting with Moms Demand Action or Match for Our Lives and other local organizations in Milwaukee.  I would support candidates and organizations that stood for gun control. Donate or show up and do what I could...

I was also getting tired form it all. I would complain to my neighbors and friends. They all agreed but nothing really happened. After innocent young kids were shot in Sandy Hook School, in Newtown, so many of us thought the law would change. But nothing happened and the lawmakers were divided and President Obama was not able to do much. 

When my son was in 2nd grade, his classmate got shot by accident and died while at home. I remember how the parents and teachers attended the boy’s funeral and we all just looked at each other stunned. 

It was heartbreaking and so sad to take my son to a classmate’s funeral and explain what happened. Just awful...

I also had to practice active shooter drills with my elementary students when I was working as a teaching artist in Milwaukee. It was not fun for anyone and the kids were nervous.  They just hated it and so did I! 

The sad part is that so many schools do this every month and my kids were all well experienced with these drills! I was telling my international friends and they were all shocked.  

In 2018, after the mass shooting at a high school in Parkland, Florida, many young people joined March for Our Lives and protested. They marched and rallied and walked many miles and came together to call for change. I was so energized and proud of the young people! 

I even invited some local high school students who were part of the March in Wisconsin to our women’s group to talk about their experience. I was so proud of these kids but also sad that they had to do this.

My kids also went to the local rally at their high school to protest, and it was a really emotional day for me and many parents. 

The shootings in Boulder are also too close to home, because my nephews attend the university in Boulder, and we love visiting this city. My parents live in Colorado with my brother and his family, so it is like our home.

My son also got accepted to the university there and we enjoyed the college tour few years ago. We are not sure if he will go there in the end but my daughter is also interested in living there in the future.

But I feel torn and concerned.  Part of me would love for my kids to live in Colorado and be close to family. But I hope they will be ok and be safe from gun violence. I am worried for my parents and my brother’s family too. I feel guilty that we left the US and I can’t really do anything. I feel helpless and can only follow the news or FB posts. I feel guilty that I am safe and so many of my loved ones are in the US. 

Will I be able to make a difference or do anything from Germany? Did I just leave to forget everything and not continue the hard work for gun control? 

I miss the US terribly.  I miss my family and friends and want to live there again. I plan to visit this summer and will keep traveling back as long as I can. 

But I am still unsure if things will change. I will keep working with different organizations and lawmakers and write to my representatives and keep doing something from here. That is the least I can do....

For now, my family is here and we are safe but we are also hoping things get better, healthier and more peaceful in America, especially for our loved ones, and for all Americans....🙏☮️🌎🇺🇸